


Unsteady

by heyy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marauders - Fandom, Wolfstar - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Multi, Multiple Points of View
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-06-18 10:33:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15483837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyy/pseuds/heyy
Summary: Sirius is struggling with being a Black, while Remus is struggling with lycanthropy. This dynamic disaster pair up with James and Peter and create a family of their own. While these two come to terms with their feelings for each other and for themselves, a world burns around them. From rebelling against the rules of Hogwarts, to rebelling against family, predispositions, and romantic norms.This will take place from their first year at Hogwarts, til post Final Battle with Voldemort.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Heyy !  
> This is my very first fic that I've ever written. I'm still in the process of writing this story, so please be patient with me.  
> Feel free to drop by my tumblr: meandmyinu.tumblr.com

With a firm grip on the back of Sirius’ neck, Orion Black leads his family to platform 9 ¾ . Sirius’ first year at Hogwarts.  
“You better be on your best behavior, boy. I won’t stand for you dragging our name through the mud” whispered Walburga, Regulus trailing behind her, rolling his eyes at everything she says.  
Sirius has never been to the platform before now. He rarely gets out of the Black manor, but when he does, it’s definitely nowhere near any wizard kind. He’s scanning the crowd; thinking of running, of leaving this shithole behind, and becoming an outcast. He can’t stand the punishments, the yelling, the magic. It’s what got him into this mess in the first place. The first time he used magic was five years ago. He didn’t even mean to do it, but it happened. And it drove his mother crazy. It was the first time, but certainly not the last, that his mother used the Cruciatus curse on him.  
He sees lots of loving families here. One boy with unruly hair and thick rimmed glasses holding a particularly large, dark brown owl, stood out to him. Hugging what seems to be his parents, and trying his hardest not to cry. Blimey, if he ever shed a tear after saying goodbye, it would be out of happiness and freedom. He thinks he’s seen the boy around before, or at least his father. The Potters perhaps? With all the pure blood meetings that are held at his house, a lot of faces seem too familiar these days. Another boy, strikingly different from Potter, caught his eye as well. He knows that one without a doubt. Bright blond hair, sharp and pointy features, smug look on his face. Must be a Malfoy. Lucius Malfoy to be specific. His cousin had always fancied the Malfoy family, as if the Blacks weren’t enough chaos for her.  
As the grip on his neck tightens and the platform nearing, his eyes stumble upon a scrawny, helpless looking boy who seems to be his age. With a soft edged face wittled with hurt, he looks sort of like a lost puppy.. big wet eyes looking around the crowd, trying to find something.. someone that could help. He seems to be alone, as there are no adults around him. In fact, it’s almost like people created a path for him, not wanting to catch something.. like the poor boy has a disease. He’s walking towards the Blacks, and Sirius grabs a better look. Tousled brown hair hanging low on his face, rich green eyes, an adorable demeanor, holes in his clothes.. and is that.. blood on his face?? Pain leaks into Sirius’ heart, and the urge to help this boy is overwhelming. Just as he is about to release himself from the grasp of his father, a rather plump, blond, boy stumbles behind the other and gently taps the boy on the shoulder. This plump boy has two other plump parents goggling after him, as the son starts talking to the lost pup. Sirius can’t make out what is being said, but a sharp pang hits him in the chest, as he wanted to be the one to help out the mysterious boy.  
It’s ten minutes before the train is set to take off, and Orion rips Sirius around and glares into his eyes.  
“This is it, boy. This is a family of Slytherins, no doubt you will be one too. No funny business. You get in, make friends with Malfoy and the like. If you step out of line, I have no problem coming to get you. Better yet, your mother will have you in her hands faster than you can beg for mercy. I mean it, boy. This is the last straw.”  
Walburga comes around to Sirius, claw like nails digging into his shoulder, as Sirius winces.  
“I hope to see you later rather than sooner, but if you step out of line, I’ll take great pleasure in putting you back in place” she leans low, almost planting a kiss on his head, as to seem to the outside world that she is a decent mother, and straightens back up. Her grip releasing, no doubt blood marking where her nails were, and spins away, already stalking back the way they came. Orion gives one last look at his eldest son, and turns on his heels as well. Regulus is left staring at the foot of his older brother. The two share an awkward moment. Before Sirius starts to say something, Regulus cuts him off,  
“Sirius, stop. You have to stop acting out or it”ll just get worse, you know. Why don’t you listen to them? It’s like you want to get hurt. Just behave and it”ll be fine, you’ll see.”  
“You don’t understand, Regulus. You’re too young to get it” Sirius’ eyes start to fill up as he twiddles his thumbs and looks at the ground,  
“See you at Christmas alright? Write me if you want. I.. er. I lo.. I got to go. See ya.”  
Regulus looks like he’s about to say more, but the shriek like sound coming from their mother down the way, sounding like Regulus’ name, pulls him in the opposite direction of his brother. Sirius doesn’t take any more time before stepping into the train without even a glance back to his so called family.

 

Remus winces every time his left foot hits the ground. It sends a lightening of pain up through his foot and into his hip, making it more difficult for the boy to walk. Two weeks ago would mark the 78th time he’s transitioned, yes.. he’s counted. Once a month, except for the dreadful one month a year where there are two full moons instead of one, he transforms into a werewolf. That one being the worst of them all.  
Remus was bitten by a werewolf a month after his fifth birthday, making it six years that he has had to deal with this… condition… alone. After Fenrir Greyback bit him mostly for revenge, fully because of his attraction to children, his parents weren’t sure what to do. Oh, how they took him to all the best healers and doctors in both worlds, but nothing could fix him. His poor muggle mother was already finding it difficult to have a wizard as a son, but now a werewolf as well? Her heart was shattered. And as the months went on, his father was breaking too, and the only thing Remus’ parents were good at was locking him away, and keeping distance. It started as one week per month, but then stretched into weeks.. months.. and then years without word from his parents. He doesn’t blame them though, if he could lock himself away and never have to deal with his wolf side again, he would do it in a heartbeat. He has no ill feelings towards his parents, all those feelings are solely reserved for himself.  
As he is limping his way toward the platform that Professor Dumbledore told him would take him to get an education and a new life, he sees a rather gothic looking family strutting towards him. A woman with the face of a statue, dark hair rolled up on top her head, talking to seemingly no one, as the two boys weren’t paying any attention. The younger boy falling behind the family was playing with the sleeve of his expensive looking, sleek black robe and occasionally rolling his eyes. He took after his mother, in that he had dark brown hair sitting neatly atop his head, with no hair out of place. As for the other boy, who looked to be his age, had shoulder length hair that curled its way down around his face, every part of it seemingly rogue, threatening to be different. His face also looked like one carved from stone, but it was the look of disgust on his face that made him come off as cold. Otherwise, the stone etched face was seemingly soft and carefully made, unlike the ones he was surrounded by. Around that boys neck, was a large, thick hand, that led to a tall, built man. Once again, black hair was pulled back into a long ponytail, a tendril of curl laid on his forehead. All four were intimidatingly beautiful, wearing long black robes with green and silver trim. One robe would cost more than all of his possessions combined, he supposed.  
A gentle touch on his shoulder sent him five feet high in the sky, and shivers down his body. He snapped his gaze from the stone family, and whipped around to see the complete opposite. A short, stumpy looking boy with blond hair sticking to his forehead was standing before him, with the look of shock on his face. The boy embodied the essence of sweet and innocent, as the pair behind him shared the same.  
“Hey! My name is Peter. Peter Pettigrew. These are my parents, Pathius and Maria. But you can call them Mr. and Mrs. Pettigrew! We saw that you are by yourself, perhaps you need some help? It’s my first year too. Where exactly are your parents, by the way? What’s your name? Are you muggleborn?”  
Jeez, does this kid have a pause button? Lovely guy, Remus is sure he means well, but he needs a bit of a breather. He did just scare the living daylights out of him.  
“Peter honey, give the boy some time to breathe” Mrs. Pettigrew turns to Remus, “It’s nice to meet you. If you need some assistance, we’d be honored to help you out, young man.”  
“H..Hi. Peter. Mr. and Mrs. Pettigrew. I’m Remus. I er.. well. I think I’d like to take you up on that offer. My parents er.. couldn’t make it and it is my first time here.”  
Remus and the Pettigrews make their way to one of the entrances of the train. He thanks Peter’s parents, and him and Peter make their way into his first hope of a normal life.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short Chapter ! I'm sorry ! I'm in the middle of writing more, just bare with me :)

Peter is holding Remus by the arm and leading him to an empty compartment towards the back. A tall and lean boy with white blond hair jumps into the hallway and starts to call Peter names. Remus notices that Peter doesn’t even flinch at the words, and keeps plowing them both towards the back of the train. They reach Peters destination, and slump into the seats, side by side.   
“Who was that, Peter?”  
“Who? The blond bloke? Well that there is Lucius Malfoy. Pure blood, pure evil. Whole family is if you ask me. They don’t like my family, you see. I may not be a muggleborn, but I am a half blood. Mums a witch, dad’s a muggleborn wizard. It doesn’t make a difference to me though. Or to anyone that matters, really. So he likes to call me names. Doesn’t help that I er.. don’t look like him” Peter pats his stomach “Oh well. What can you do?”  
Remus grins slightly, and takes a glance out the window before a rambunctious boy comes bouncing in their area. He’s got on thick rimmed, round, black glasses and looks like he needs to take a comb to his hair. The boy is looking down at the two with bewilderment and wonder.  
“Hello! Mind if I join you? Carts are filling up and you two seem to be the only cool ones on. Names James! Yours?”  
Remus looks taken aback. Did he say cool? This bloke doesn’t seem to understand the meaning of cool. Remus has ratty clothes and fresh wounds on his face and he’s sitting next to a not so suave boy.   
“James? James Potter? I know you! Well, I know your family. You lot are the nicest pure bloods around. My name is Peter, Peter Pettigrew this is Remus… er..”  
“Lupin” Remus adds,  
“Ah, Remus Lupin. You are definitely welcome to stay!” Peter finishes, with the biggest smile on his face.  
“Groovy! Thanks! Nice to meet you both. Have any idea what House you want to be sorted into?”   
“House?” asks Remus, just as the stone boy with wild curls comes walking by.  
Sirius hears the word “House” with a questioning tone, and he wishes that he was in that boys place. Not knowing what Houses were in Hogwarts. Not having it ingrained into your head since you were born that you have to be apart of a certain house, or be disowned. He follows the sound of the boys voice with his eyes and he lands upon the mysterious boy once again. If his breath got caught in his throat, he wouldn’t admit it.   
“Houses. Four houses separate the students in Hogwarts. You get sorted into a House and you stay there all seven years.” Sirius couldn’t stop himself from jumping in the conversation, as he’s now in the entryway to the cart, where three boys are staring up at him.  
“You must be a Black. Take a seat, tell us more.” James says with a sly grin.  
Black. A Black? How fitting, Remus thinks. He also wants to hear this boy talk some more, so he gestures for this Black to sit across from him.  
“Er. It’s Sirius” as he takes a seat across from the pup.   
“Are you serious?” asks Peter, with a giggle hung in his throat.  
“Yes, I’m Sirius, didn’t I just say..” he looks around to see the other boys holding back giggles as well and he leans back in his seat and says,   
“ Haha. Very funny. I don’t hear that one often.” he says sarcastically, although he doesn’t really hear that, that often. He hardly ever has anyone directly talking to him, or talking to him in a nice manner.  
“So back to the Houses, Sirius. What are the Houses? Planning on going into the family business?” James says lightheartedly.  
“Er. Well” Sirius faces Remus, like he’s the only boy in the cart,  
“The Houses are Hufflepuff, Slytherin, Gryffindor, and Ravenclaw. They each stand for something. Four of our ancestors created the Houses to sort the lot of us. Ravenclaw takes the smarts, Gryffindor takes the courageous, Slytherin takes the.. er.. The.. ruthless. I guess. And Hufflepuff takes the rest, basically. They are the big softies that love everybody.” Sirius smiles at the boy across from him, already wondering what House he would belong to. Certainly not Slytherin. He actually hopes that none of these boys end up in Slytherin. He wants his “family” and these boys to have as little in common as possible. He already feels a pull towards them all, he can already feel the pain of the curse his mother will use on him for not making friends with the pointy faced freak.  
“Nice way of putting it. I guess we all have a different word for each of the main characteristics of the Houses.” James says, and looks back at Sirius,  
“What House do you want?”  
Before Sirius can say which one he definitely does not want, Peter jumps in.  
“I want to be in Hufflepuff. Me dad was a Hufflepuff and I want to be just like em. Me dad’s tough and all, but very kind hearted. Mum was a Ravenclaw. I don’t reckon I’m smart enough for that House.”  
Remus just keeps looking from one boy to another. Houses.. None of those sound like something he thinks he’d fit into. Panic starts to course through him, thinking that he will be kicked out of the school before he even gets a chance to prove himself.   
Sirius notices that the boy in front of him has gone rather pale and looks sickly. He casts a worried glance his way, but the boys eyes seem to drift off into a different dimension.  
“Well I want to be in Gryffindor. I know I can do it. Both my parents were Gryffindor, and their parents before them. It’s a great House. The best, in my opinion. Sorry, Pete. Hufflepuff sounds great too.” James tries not to brag, but he really does think the best people come from Gryffindor.   
“Has anyone ever.. ya know.. not been sorted into any House? Made to go home?” Remus asks slowly, looking down at his feet.  
Sirius has never wanted anything more to happen to him than what the boy just said. He has never heard of it happening before, but wouldn’t mind being the first.   
“No, not that I’ve heard. Hogwarts always finds a place for everyone. Even squibs.” Sirius settles on saying this, hoping it brings some color and life back into the boy across from him.  
Instead of answering, Remus looks out the window again. He hears them all talking and laughing, but can’t bring himself to join. His nerves are high, and if he acts on them, he could end up hurting someone. He’s taken a liking to these boys, but he also never wants to burden them with his condition. So from here on out, he will keep this a secret. A secret that he will take to the grave.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read this and left kudos ! It means a lot :) hope you like this new chapter !

They’ve been traveling towards Hogwarts for a bit now, and Sirius keeps stealing glances toward the boy he still doesn’t know the name of. He’s been trying to catch his attention, but the mysterious boys attention is locked on the window. Sirius decides it’s a good time as any to try and figure out more about him. He places his hand on the other boys knee,

“Hey. I don’t think I caught your name, by the way” he says with a smirk.

Remus jumped at the touch, he looks from the hand up to the face, and stills for a moment.

“Oh. Um.. I’m Remus. Remus Lupin.”

“I’m Sirius Black.”

“Yeah, I caught that earlier.”

“Oh right, yeah. Sorry.” Sirius almost forgot that there were other people in the cart, but then he hears giggling and jumps at the sound. He hits the other two with a quick glare.

Just then a girl with blazing red hair and bright green eyes appears hand in hand with a ill toned boy with thinned, greasy black hair, and comes walking into the boys’ space.

“It’s about time to put on our robes. We will be arriving soon.” The girl glances at all the boys briefly, before turning to walk away with her sidekick.

“Wait! HI! Er.. wh..mm.. um...” James can’t get more than a couple sounds out of his mouth, as he stands up and stumbles on his own feet trying to reach out after her. She looks over her shoulder at him, chuckles, and she and the greasy one take off down the way.

“What was that, James?” Sirius says, with laughter coming out at every word.

“That” he says breathlessly, “Is the love of my life” he places a hand dramatically over his heart.

“Do you even know her?” says Peter,

“Not yet, but I will” James says with a twinkle in his eye.

  
  


The Hogwarts Express comes to a stop, along with Sirius’ heart. He grabs his robe and puts it on halfheartedly. James looks ecstatic, Peter looks like he’s about to pee from excitement and fear, and Remus.. Well Remus looks how Sirius feels. About ready to jump out of his own skin. Sirius simultaneously wants and not wants to be sorted right off the train. Just put him in Slytherin already and get it over with. It’s what he’s destined to be. It’ll harden him to that stone-like coldness that ripples from his mother. It’s supposed to straighten him out and turn his gaze to ice, just like his fathers.. Just like every Black before him. He has to be in Slytherin, or pain like he’s never felt before will follow suit. His hands are shaking uncontrollably as he steals a glance at the other boy who seems to be in even more of a wrecked state than him.

 

Remus’ whole body is shaking. He swears that everyone on the train can hear his heart thumping. Panic is coursing through his veins along with the bitter sting of his curse. If he doesn’t calm down now, everyone will know. It’s not like he will wolf out at any second, but his temper is heightened and his venom is just as potent. Trying to hide the tremor in his hands, he takes the sleeve of his robe in his fingers and starts to fumble with the ripped seams.  _ I’m not supposed to be here _ , he thinks.  _ I’m not like them. I’m not human. It’s only a matter of time before I hurt someone. What was I thinking.. coming here and pretending to be normal? _

Peter’s hand on Remus’ shoulder is enough to shake him off his thoughts. The blond boy leads him off the train, while the two dark haired boys are a little farther ahead. 

 

As the children all pile out of the train, a rather large, hairy man is standing at attention in front of canoes. 

“All first ‘ears follow me!” the man bellows, “Me names Hagrid. ‘M the Keeper ‘f Keys n Grounds at this ‘ere ‘Ogwarts!”

 

“Hey! Remus, Peter! Follow us!” James yells, and motions for the boys to come over. 

The four of them get into a boat together, along with Sirius’ cousin Narcissa. He wishes her sister Andy was his age. But his favorite cousin has to be older than him, and won’t be there to hold his hand when he gets sorted. Andy is his lifeline back at home. Her full name is Andromeda, but if you call her that you won’t have any vocal chords left. 

They ride in silence and awe as Hagrid spews on about the castle.

 

All the kids file in the great hall, the four boys walking in pairs. James and Sirius in front, while Remus and Peter are trailing right behind them. James is showing off his bright smile, as he looks completely amazed with the floating candles and starlit ceiling. Peters expression isn’t much different to James’. He looks as if he’s never seen magic before. Remus looks ill, and feels much worse. He’s caused more tearing on the sleeves of his worn down robe, and his lip is chewed up and bleeding a bit. Sirius on the other hand, looks emotionless. Face as stiff as a statue, body ridged. His insides are getting wilder by the second, as the walking comes to a halt. A slender, beautifully marked cat is sitting patiently on the stool in front of everyone.  

“This is it! Hope to see you boys on the other side” James says with a wild smile and a wink. 

  
  
  


The hall quiets down, as an old man with a long white beard and half crescent moon  glasses stands up to the podium. After his speech about the forbidden forest, professors, and dorms, he sits back in his spot in the middle of the long table before them. The cat leaps off the stool and before it reaches the ground, it transforms into a woman. The lady is wearing a typical witch hat and dark green velvet robes. Her mouse brown hair is pulled up and her expression is stern, but friendly. She takes out a battered old hat and places it on the stool that she just jumped off seconds before. The room went very silent, so silent that you could hear a hair fall on carpet. The first years are looking around at their peers in amazement. 

“Ah, everyone. I’d like to introduce you all to Professor Minerva McGonagall. She is the Head of Gryffindor House and will be your transfiguration teacher. Please, Minnie. Take it away.” Says Dumbledore.

“Thank you, Sir for the introduction” she faces back to the first years, “As Professor Dumbledore had said, I am the transfiguration professor. I am also the Head of the Gryffindor House. If you look behind you and to your left, that far table is the Gryffindor table. Next to it, is Hufflepuff.. then Ravenclaw and Slytherin. I will be calling each first year one by one and I ask you to sit on this stool as I place our Sorting Hat on your head. This will tell you which House you belong in. After it is announced, please take a seat at your table. After this is all over, the feast will begin. Now, let’s hear what the hat has to say.”

As the hat is doing its annual song, Sirius is getting restless.  _ Maybe if I run fast enough, I’ll be able to catch the train.  _ He looks at James, and he wishes he could trade places. This is Hogwarts after all, a brilliant place to be; he should be excited right now. He should be filled with joy instead of pure anxiety. 

“You alright?” James’ whisper breaks his train of thought.

“Um. Yeah. Yeah, all good. Just a bit nervous is all.” 

“I just want you to know that I don’t think you are like your family at all. I know they’re all Slytherins, and if you are sorted into it too.. well. Slytherin will gain a great bloke. I’ll still be your friend, too.” James says with a wink. 

Sirius couldn’t let the littlest of noises out of his mouth without a tear coming out too, so he intertwines his arm with James’ instead, hoping it says all the thanks that he can’t say.

“Iola Abbott” McGonagall calls. She sets the hat down on the girl. “Hufflepuff!” booms the hat, not a second after the hat was placed on her head.

“Cassiopeia Allcon” “… RAVENCLAW” “Alfred Benso” “SLYTHERIN”

McGonagall is making her way down the list and the hat is chugging along. Some peoples sorting takes a half a second, and for others it takes closer to a minute. Black is coming up fast, and Sirius is about to shit his pants. James notices, and tightens the grip around the curly haired boys arm. The fear is dripping off of Sirius like sweat and his fight or flight instincts have never been more prevalent. 

“Narcissa Black”

She’s a Black, and Blacks are Slytherins. That’s just how it goes.

_ I’m next. I’m fucking next. _

“SLYTHERIN!” 

_ Oh no. no no no, I can’t move. I can’t do it _

“Sirius Black”

James gives him one more squeeze and a slight smile. He whispers to Sirius that it’ll be alright no matter what. Peter gives him a quick pat on the back, and a nudge to move forward. How is it going to be alright? If only James knew that his choice was either a lifetime (a short one if it happens) of his mother shouting an unforgivable curse after curse at him with his father's beatings in between, or a lifetime of constantly fighting for an identity completely separate from the evil that pumps though his own veins. And maybe he does know, maybe that’s why he’s looking at Sirius with a glimmer of hope in his eye and a heart twice the size of his body. 

_ I can’t  _ **_do_ ** _ this _

Sirius steps up to the stool and turns to face his friends and every other student in the crowd. Fear plastered all over his face. For the first time, he can’t separate his emotions flowing inside from his physical body any longer. He locks eyes with Remus as he takes his seat, his life in the hands of hat. Either way, he’s in for one hell of a ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have the next chapter already done. let me know if you want me to post it right away !


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very short chapter, I'm sorry ! I'll be posting a longer chapter after this, I promise. I'll be gone this weekend, so it'll be up maybe sometime next week ? thanks again for reading my story :)

“Ahh, another Black. Curious. Very curious. Definitely not a Hufflepuff, I’ll tell you that. You have passion swimming inside you, a drive. I can tell you are a different one indeed. You’re ambitious alright, wise beyond your years as well.. But you have this taste. This fight inside you. Radiating throughout your bones, I can sense it. I got it. You’ll fit perfectly. You are…

 

GRYFFINDOR!”

Sirius’ ears are ringing. His breath caught in his throat mixing with bile that started to rise as soon as the hat was placed on his head. He can’t move, every bone in his body has turned to lead and he is paralyzed. His fingertips replaced with ice cubes, as he looks into the crowd. He’s not sure if he’s gone deaf with the blood rising in his ears, or if the crowd had actually gone silent. His cousin Narcissa is staring at him with her mouth a gape, daggers in her eyes ready to launch out at him any second. He glances to the Slytherin table, over to Andy and she’s  _ smiling _ at him. She looks.. proud? James looks shocked, but in a good way. The wild haired boys eyes show a flicker of worry, but other than that, it’s just happy shock. Peter looks downright bewildered. If his mouth opened anymore, his jaw would fall off. And then there’s Remus. Remus is smiling at him with a soft and fragile look. Of course he is, there’s no way that he knows the Black legacy. 

“Mr. Black, please take a seat at the table.” McGonagall’s voice bringing Sirius back to earth. He stumbles off the stool and slowly makes his way over to the Gryffindor table. To his amazement, the students at the table are clapping like wild and are already making space for him, nothing but welcoming faces are in front of him. 

 

“Delvius Davies”... “Slytherin!”

“Lily Evans”

The redhead from earlier stalks out towards the stool. She released her grip from the greasy haired boys hand, and looks confident as she settles down in the chair. James is taken back, now he knows the name to the love of his life, Sirius thinks. 

“GRYFFINDOR” the hat boomed out faster than any other so far. She jumps off the chair with a grin, winks at greasy boy, and walks over to her rightful table.

“Fedius Hemmings… Lacey Hughes… Jacqulynn Jackson…” “Frank Longbottom” “Gryffindor!”

 

The L’s are coming to an end and Remus feels like he’s going to melt into the ground. His emotions are all over the place. Although he had little to no knowledge about Hogwarts and the Houses, he now has a preference. He wants to be in the House with the pretty boy carved from stone. But there’s no way the hat will put him there. He’s not brave, he runs from all of his problems. He doesn’t have the guts to embrace what he truly is, or the guts to tell anyone about it. He is in a constant state of fear. Fear of the lycanthropy taking complete control, of people on the streets finding out. Fear of the future; he knows no one is going to hire a werewolf. He has no future, so there is no way he will follow the boy. He’s scared that the hat will either take too long and then have the Headmaster tell him he made a mistake in recruiting him, or the hat will immediately tell him he isn’t worthy of being here, that he doesn’t belong and will send him packing. 

“Remus Lupin”

_ For Merlins sake.. Damn it. Just get up there, you coward _

He looks around for a second, startled that his name came quicker than expected. He half drags half walks to the chair, and climbs up. His eyes are squeezed tight, as to not look at any of the boys faces when the hat tells him to get out. He crosses his fingers, and just before he lets out the breath he’s been holding..

“GRYFFINDOR”

**_WHAT!_ ** _ No way. Did I hear that right? _

The next sound Remus hears, is Sirius cheering loudly from the table. He opens his eyes to see the other two boys clapping as manic as Sirius, with the biggest smiles on their faces. Remus gives them a nod and a half smile, and aimlessly wanders towards Sirius. The two collid in an awkward hug, and a pat on the back, and now Remus is sat next to the other boy. He looks ahead towards the Headmaster, and swears that he’s looking right back at him with a knowing smile on his face.

“Lucius Malfoy”... “SLYTHERIN!” “Peter Pettigrew” 

Oh here it comes, Remus has his fingers crossed again. Peter has been nothing but nice to him since before boarding. He has to be in the same House.

“Gryffindor!”

Lucius looks disgusted, while James, Sirius, and Remus are screaming their heads off. Remus stands up to hug the boy as he sonders over to the table, looking rather sickly but happy all the same. Peter takes a seat across from Remus and Sirius.

“James Potter”

_ Come ooon, make it four for four. There’s no way he’d be in anything but. Come on, James _ . Now Sirius has his fingers crossed as well, although he knows without a doubt that James will be joining them very shortly. For just a bit of time, he has pushed his fear aside, and is elated that his boys are by his side and  **_not_ ** in Slytherin.

“GRYFFINDOR!” the speed of James’ answer gave Lily’s a run for her money. 

James jumps off the stool and is bowing and princess waving to everyone, his crazy hair even crazier than before as he runs through a group of students who tousle his hair up. He’s beaming as he makes his way over to the other three boys, catching Lily’s gaze and winks at her. With pats on the back and numerous congratulations, James takes his seat next to Peter.

“Molly Prewett… Gandel Rillious… Robinson”

“Severus Snape”

So that’s the the name of Lily’s sidekick. Sirius and James shoot each other a glance before looking at Lily. She is leaning out so she can see her friend up there clearly. She’s smiling at the black haired boy, but with no depth behind it. She looks almost sad, yet slightly hopeful. Her knuckles gone white from gripping the edge of her seat.

“SLYTHERIN!”

Severus looks like he’s about to puke and cry at the same time, looking at Lily with sad puppy eyes. She gives him a nod and a gentle smile, as he walks off in the opposite direction of her. As soon as she is out of Severus’ sight, her posture loosens and her face drops. She was obviously hoping that he’d join the table as well, Sirius thought. 

“Thomas… Tilethius… Urius… Arthur Weasley… Alice Williams”

Professor McGonagall finishes her list and makes her way back up to the long table, and sits next to Dumbledore. 

“May the Feast begin!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it ! Feel free to leave a comment to tell me what you think so far :) Have a good morning/evening !


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for being patient ! i've been having terrible headaches so it's hard to concentrate on writing. anywayyy, hope you like this one !

Remus is the last one to the dorms. He managed to wiggle out of the boys’ sight and fall back in line. He’s stood in front of the fireplace in the common room, still in shock.

_ You have to steady yourself. You can’t get too close to them, because if they find out.. your life is over. You’ll lose them anyway. You’ll end up hurting them. You’ll… _

“Remus..” 

He looks up to see Sirius standing in the doorway.

“Hey, you know where your room is? I’m with James and Peter. We have an extra bed, so we thought it could be you?”

_ I can’t tell him I’m rooming by myself _

“Er, I don’t think so, sadly. That’s great you all got rooms together, though. You must all have luck on your side” Remus says with a sad smile.

“Oh. Well, feel free to bunk with us if your roomies suck. I think we may just have an extra bed by accident. It’s yours if you ever need it. I’m heading up now, we should get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be crazy.”

“Yeah, yeah. Definitely. I’ll head up in a minute. Thanks.”

“Alright. Goodnight, Remus” Sirius smiles, and turns back and heads up the stairs to bed.

“Goodnight, Sirius” he whispered after Sirius was out of sight. 

 

When Dumbledore made the visit to Remus a few months back, they had discussed the sleeping arrangements. The professor had insisted that Remus was perfectly fine to have roomates. That Remus was allowed that  _ special _ week off every month and will be excused of his academic duties. He was going to be given an experimental potion called Wolfsbane. As it was explained to him, the potion hasn’t actually been tested on a werewolf, especially a child one. But Remus was more than happy to agree to it. Anything to help with the transition. Remus refused to have roommates though. You see, it’s not just the transformation during the night of the full moon. It’s a full two weeks of mood swings, constant adrenaline rushes that wire him up and keep him from sleeping. A full two weeks of snapping at anyone who talks to him, crying in the mornings and raging in the afternoons. His blood turns to fire, his vision blurs, ears ring, and his skin stings and itches constantly. He gets one week off because that last week leading up to the transition is the worst. Plus, Remus didn’t want to be away from classes for two weeks; then people would really start to notice. Dumbledore and Remus came up with a story incase anybody started to ask questions, and the boy was happy for that. He still doesn’t understand why he was given a chance, or how he was even found in the first place. He was living in an abandoned house and he thought only his parents and the doctors knew about his condition. An education is the one thing Remus really wants, well that and a werewolf free life but that is out of the question. He’s very grateful for the professor, and doesn’t want to screw up his chances. So after the talk with Dumbledore, Remus decided to give it all he had to be the best student he can be. To graduate and try to make something of himself. 

 

Remus’ single bedroom is off to the side on the first floor. Barely noticeable and most think it’s a storage closet of some sort, but the more inconspicuous the better. He walks into the bathroom and forces himself to look in the mirror. He really tries to avoid it, as after every full moon there seems to be a new wound or scar that has appeared. He traces his facial scar with his fingers.. Starting from his left temple and trails diagonally towards the tip of his top lip, just grazing the underneath of his left eye and missing his nose. There’s a total of three scars that are visible for everyone else to see. The big one he traced, another is a smaller one, just a one liner that is next to his right eye and drags back to his hairline. And the last visible one has three lines that go from the bottom of his chin straight down his neck, and ends right at the end of his breast bone. He’s only eleven, but his body is littered with scars, skin and bone damage. At eleven, he is his own worst enemy. After the first transition of being completely alone, he took it upon himself to lock himself up instead of letting loose. He’d rather hurt himself than someone else. It’s his problem, his curse.. he couldn’t choose his fate, but he can try and save others from the same.  

  
  


“GOOOOOOOD MORNING!” 

A sudden flash of bright light hits Sirius’ closed eyelids and James’ manic voice rings in his ears. It’s 5:46 in the morning, what the bloody hell is James on about?

“Rise and shine Princess!” James shrieks right in Sirius’ ear.

“Come on Pete, it’s time to seize the day! We have transfiguration with McGonagall first thing, wouldn’t wanna look anything but your best for her!”

“James” Sirius says groggily, “are you mad? what do you think you’re bloody doing? Class doesn’t start until 7:30. Shut up and go to bed or we aren’t friends anymore.”

“Oh come onnn, Sirius! I know it takes at  _ least  _ an hour and a half to get your curls all curly and perfect” the boy with the glasses says with a cocky grin.

“Oi, and apparently it takes you eleven years to sort out yours, but you  _ still _ haven’t managed it.”

“Ayee, messy is the new sexy didn’t you know”, the boy says with his classic wink.

“Come on, help me get this lump out of bed” James points to Peter.

“You’d think with all the yelling you’ve been doing, he’d be up by now. Alright, alright, hands off me. I’m up. I’ll help you, just tone your voice down, you psycho.”

  
  


After breakfast, all the students start filing out into the halls in search for their classes. 

“So do you know where we’re going, because I don’t. How in the bloody hell are we supposed to know where to go?” Peter says as he looks distraught. 

“Very good question, Pete. We charm the floor so it lights up the way we have to go?” James looks around at his boys for agreement.

“And you think you know the spell for that? We could cast a time freezing spell and walk around until we find it.” Sirius suggests.

“Messing with time is not a joke, we could screw something up. Plus, I don’t think we know a spell for that.” Peter says, still looking really scared. 

“Or we could, you know, find a professor and ask them?” Remus says.

“Or you gits could follow the rest of us.” The fiery redhead says as she stalks past the four boys while shaking he head and rolling her eyes.

“Right, of course. Yeah, I knew that.” James manages to choke up the words, and then stumbles after her. The other boys following along. 

  
  


The first day of classes go by rather slow for Sirius. The initial shock of being put in Gryffindor has past, and now panic is settling into his gut. He’s thinking about missing the next meal so that he doesn’t receive his mail in front of everyone. He knows that it’s not going to be good. Lucius Malfoy probably already ran his mouth to his parents about it, and if not, Narcissa did. Either way, the news most definitely has made its way to his parents and he doesn’t really feel like hearing about the disappointment. Now that he’s slept on it, he’s rather glad that he was placed in a different house. If anything, he thinks it will give future Blacks hope that they won’t end up like the others. Even if he’d rather have Merlin strike him down to nothing but dust than go home for Christmas, he’s pretty happy with the sorting thing. Deep down, he knows not all slytherins are bad, but he comes from a family who are the closest thing to pure evil. They host parties with the other purebloods and talk about how the world would be a much better place without muggles. How they can’t wait til all the “mudbloods” and muggles are out of the equation. They talk about vile things, and doing vile acts, and act like they aren’t the bad ones.  

 

Remus’ first day went by pretty well. All he’s ever wanted was to learn. Before today, he’s been mostly self taught. When he still lived with his parents, he picked up a few things, and when they started to take him to doctors, he picked up on their things too. Remus’ magical knowledge is mostly healing charms, health potions, and anti curse and hex spells. Not that any of those things are bad, but he’s happy to get the chance to practice and learn more about the wizarding world that he’s shuned himself away from. 

 

They’re all sitting at the table for dinner when the owls fly in. Mail time. James can sense how anxious Sirius is, so he puts his arm around his shoulder and whispers, 

“Hey, it'll be okay, you got us.”

Peter dives for his letters and almost lands on the floor, too excited to sit in his seat. Remus looks like he got slapped in the face because to his amazement, he received a letter. James got a little gift box and a few letters, and Sirius notices that Lily had some as well. Sirius is almost of out the clear when a pristine letter falls right into his lap.

 

Remus carefully rips open his letter that was addressed to him, but had no sender information. He slowly takes the parchment out, and silently reads:

 

_ Dearest Mr. Remus John Lupin, _

 

_ I am very proud, but not surprised by the Sorting Hat’s decision. You have earned the right to call yourself a Gryffindor, and you stand for all of what Godric Gryffindor believed in. I presume that it came as a surprise to you, and you might feel as though you do not deserve it, but the Hat never misplaces. I expect great things from you, and have all the reason in the world to believe that you will do just that. Congratulations, Mr. Lupin. If you aim towards the light, you will never miss. _

_\- A friend_

 

Remus finishes reading the letter and slowly folds it back up and puts it in his robe pocket. He looks around the Hall trying to figure out who would send him the letter.  _ How would they know I don’t feel like I belong.. who would be proud of me? _

 

Sirius sees that everybody around him are reading their letters, so no one would be reading over his shoulder. He takes a deep breath, and rips the envelope open.

 

_ Sirius Orion Black, _

 

_ We’ve received the information that you have been placed in Gryffindor. I’m sure you are well aware of the disappointment, but as always, do not care how you managed yet again to be a disgrace to the family, to the Black name. It has become quite clear that your rebellious behavior has not been beaten out of you yet, but I assure you it will in time. I’m ashamed to call you my son. I do not understand your desire to tear this family apart and your desperate attempts to become noticed. It should be your duty to serve and respect your parents. If it is love you seek, you will never find it. Attention is earned, and love is for the worthy. You seem to be neither. I’d tell you to keep your head down, stay in line, so you’d have a chance to have a nice holiday from Hogwarts.. But that would be a lie. You play the rebel, and act fearless to your younger brother and your peers, but you will soon come to find out that pain will be your biggest fear. I do not regret to inform you that you will have a Holiday to Remember come Christmas. Do not bother reply, your mail will be unopened, your response unwanted, this includes letters to Regulus. See you then, boy. _

_\- Walburga and Orion Black_

  
  


Sirius lets out the air that has been caught in his throat. Tears are threatening to leave his eyes, but he refuses. He won’t give them the satisfaction. If they think he acted out then, just wait. He’ll give them an actual reason to hurt him; if he’s going down, might as well go down with a good reason.

 

He’s the first one of his friends headed back to common room. He just needed to breathe. He tells the password to the Fat Lady, and walks right in. He thought he was the only one back, but he hears soft cries coming from the corner. It’s hard to tell in the dim light, but he thinks it’s Lily.. she’s the only girl with flames for hair, but in the moment the flames seem tame. He quietly walks over to where she is, sitting on the floor. Her arms are wrapped around her legs with two letters sprawled in front of her and he thinks she hasn’t noticed him yet.

“Lily?” he says gently. She stays put, like Sirius isn’t even there. He comes closer and sits down next to her.

“What's wrong?”

She moves at that, she launches forward and grabs one of the letters in front of her and shoves it towards Sirius to take. He looks at it, but can hardly make out the words. The parchment is tear stained and the ink is smudged in lots of places. 

“What’s this?” 

Lily hiccups, “I..It’s a l..letter from my sister, Petunia.”

“Is she okay? Is your family okay?”

“I’m sure sh..shes just fine. She’s always been j..jealous of witchcraft. She’s mad that I’m a witch and she’s n..not.” Lily sobs into her knees.

Sirius is still staring at the letter. He can make out the words ‘hate’ and ‘freak’ but that’s about it. He places his arm around her.

“So she calls you a freak, big deal. There are worse names to be called. Plus, you have the ability to turn her into a toad, so I think you got her beat.”

“W..we used to be s..so close until I showed signs of magic and she didn’t. I..I lost my sister. I made a n..new friend and now I don’t even h..have him with me now! He was sorted into a d..different house!” tears are streaming down her face, and Sirius’ heart can’t take it.

“Hey, hey. Lily, it’s okay. I’m sure he’s still your friend. Just because he’s in a different house, doesn’t mean you can’t be friends. And I’m sure you’ll make even more friends here. Forget about Petunia, she’s the freak.”

“Thank you. I guess you’re r..right. I just feel so left out.”

“I know how you feel. Just because someone wants you to think you’re going to be lonely and that you’re a freak, doesn’t mean you are. Wanna see the letter I got today?”

 

Sirius hands over his with shaky hands and starts reading it along with fiery girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: one of Remus' scars (the one by his right eye that goes towards his hairline) is actually a scar that I have. My moms ring accidentally snagged my face when she went to open the front door when I was really little.   
> lol the more ya know ! hope you liked this chapter, and as always thank you for reading ! xx


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really hope the dates dont confuse anyone. i was looking at a calendar of sept. 1971 so all the days of the week are real. i will NOT be doing that for the full moon stuff cause thats to much work and i'll hate myself lol i usually wont do the dates unless it's something like this again, but let me know how you like it ! hope youre well xx

**Monday, September 20th, 1971**

 

_ Mr. Remus J Lupin, _

 

_ After dinner tonight, I would like to see you in my office. We have some things to discuss before next week comes. I would also like to say that I am eternally happy that you have outdone yourself for the first few weeks of classes. Keep up the good work. _

 

_ P.S. Have you ever had  pear drops? They are extremely delightful _

  * _Albus Dumbledore_



 

_ Pear drops? _ Remus thinks.  _ Why on earth.. _

Remus has settled in pretty well, but at the back of his mind he is anxious about his first full moon at Hogwarts. Him and the other three boys have been pretty inseparable lately.. how is he going to explain his absence. Well.. He knows the story. Him and Dumbledore have gone over it and Remus has repeated it all to himself countless more times. Two weeks from today is the transformation, and he is not ready. He already feels the tingle of adrenaline running through his veins and his senses are starting to heighten. Every so often, the boy finds himself scratching at his forearms. It’s definitely an itch he can’t scratch, but he tries. His eyes are becoming more irritated and puffy looking, and his friends have started to notice; he blames it on lack of sleep. Which isn’t entirely false, although the sleepless nights are starting, he finds himself more fatigued and fighting to stay awake in classes. He’s not sure whether his professors notice, or if they are aware of his condition and are opting to say nothing out of sympathy or pity. Either way, he feels he needs to get a grip on hiding it better. Living alone for so long, hiding it doesn’t even come to mind. But now with three friends at his side and a whole building full of potential victims.. He better start learning soon.

  
  


Sirius has picked up a new attitude. After the long night with Lily talking about her sister and the letters they both received, he laid awake in bed all night going over the possibilities. He never told Lily about the beatings, curses, and hexes; about the scars, bruises and not-quite healed bones.. but they did bond over the hate they felt coming from family members that are supposed to love them. Sirius has spent the first eleven years of his life with two sides of his brain fighting against each other. Part of him wanted to do what he wanted to do and if that meant pissing off his parents, then that’s what he did. He wanted to be funny, he planned out pranks in his head and knew just the right words to set his father off on a long lecture about disobedience. He relished in acting out, and knew he was good at it. The other part of him fought against that, because he knew the consequences. After the first time, he would never forget the searing pain of a hex. He knew the look of disappointment and the sting of his mother's words about how there’s no love in her heart for him and blah blah blah. After doing what he wanted, he felt guilty.. even when there was no reason to. Even when he decided to do good things, tried to behave, he would always mess something up.. Or that’s what he was told. No matter what the boy did, there always seemed to be a punishment following close behind. The fear of disappointing his mother and father fell heavy on his conscious, although he knew it would come no matter what. Not only did he plan out his actions, he planned out the foreseeable consequences and the horrible feeling that would hit him afterwards.. But not anymore. After the talk with Lily the first night at Hogwarts, he’s put aside the part of him that will curse himself about what he’s done. Constantly thinking about how his parents are going to react has worn him out, and if his parents are going to hate him no matter what, there’s no use in trying to please them in the back of his mind anymore. So with that new thought process, he and the three other boys have found themselves in detention a total of 7 times in the past two and a half weeks. 

 

**Monday, September 6th, 1971**

“Shh, shush mate!” James whispers to Peter. 

It’s 11:03pm and the four boys just snuck out of the Gryffindor common room. 

“What’s the plan now, James?” says Remus, the last one in the single filed line.

“Well. I didn’t think we’d make it this far, if I’m honest. I thought for sure the Fat Lady would have screamed about how we are sneaking out past curfew.”

“James and I were talking earlier.. we should charm the knight statues in front of the Slytherin common room to shake and rattle for a full hour starting at 4 in the morning. And then when they come running out, there will be red and gold smoke bombs waiting for them” Sirius says with a grin a mile wide.

“Brilliant” Peter says in amazement.

 

Remus managed to make it to his room before Filch and his cat Mrs. Norris caught up with the group. The remaining boys were caught. They had to spend the next two nights cleaning the trophies by hand with Flich supervising.

 

**Tuesday, September 7th, 1971 12:00 pm**

“Watch this lads” Sirius sends a charmed paper vulture at the back of his cousin, Narcissa’s head. A few moments later, Narcissa was running around the halls screaming her lungs out while a flock of paper vultures swirled around her head. Professor Slughorn had hold of the four boys (who were all laughing like maniacs), and later that night the four boys had to organize the potions closet and clean the potions classroom. Took them 5 hours total, and all four walked away with pruned fingers and burned shirts.

 

**Friday, September 10th, 1971 3:36 am**

“You sure we should do this? What if we get caught this time? We had detention three times  _ this week _ .”

“Pete, calm down. This one is foolproof!”

 

Those were James’ last words right before their dungbombs were set off a bit too early, scaring the portraits on the wall. The halls smelled for the full day, and the four boys had to write lines during lunch. 

 

**Monday, September 13th, 1971 10:02am**

_ Is everything set up for tonight?  _ Remus scribbles on a note and slides it to Sirius.

**I think so. James is gathering the last few things and then we’ll be good to go :)**

_ You think it’ll work out this time? _

**I’m hoping so. These detentions are killing me!**

_ You’re telling me! Peter’s worried we’re gunna get expelled _

**That’s not going to happen, it’s just harmless fun** Sirius goes to pass the note back when Professor McGonagall grabs it first.

 

**Monday, September 13th, 1971 8:30pm**

“I told James the plan is off for tonight” Sirius mutters as him and Remus are walking to McGonagall’s office.

“It’s for the best. I can’t believe we get detention for passing notes.”

Sirius nods, and the two boys enter the office silently.

“Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin. If I’m counting correctly, this is your fifth detention in a week am I wrong?” McGonagall says sternly.

“Well five for me, four for Remus.” Sirius utters shakily. The look on her face is similar to the one he’s seen many times before. He is used to seeing disappointment. Sirius is trying to play it cool, but deep inside he’s scared for what’s going to come. This is the fifth detention.. Is the punishment going to be a curse this time to teach them a lesson that’ll stick?

“Alright, you two” Professor McGonagall raises her wand and Sirius noticeably flitches and squeezes his eyes shut. 

“Mr. Black?”

Sirius opens his eyes quickly, “I’m.. We’re so sorry Professor. Er.. sorry”

Remus looks at the boy and his heart breaks.  _ What on earth did he think she was going to do? _ He thinks.

“Mr. Black, you and Mr. Lupin will be marking the homework of my third year classes. When you both are done, set them on my desk and you may leave. I’d suggest getting them done before curfew. I hope you both know there is no note passing in my classroom. If you have anything to say, I expect a hand raised or wait after class. I’ll see you both tomorrow.. Noteless and ready to learn. Goodnight, boys.” She leaves with a small smile aimed at the two of them and with the flick of her wand, the papers stack themselves into two piles and she is out the door.

“Well.. this isn’t too bad” Sirius says.

“Yeah.. not too bad.”

 

**Friday, September 17th, 1971 9:13am**

The four boys are walking down the hall when James hears Lily, and she sounds upset.

“And what does that make you, huh? You’re no better than me!” Lily is fuming and her face is almost as red as her hair. She seems to be shouting at Lucius Malfoy and he’s looking back at her with a cocky smirk on his face.

“Oh Evans, you _ know _ it makes me better than you. You’re nothing but a filthy mudblood. You’ll be out of this school in no time.” he shoves Lily backward and laughs.

James looks at his friends with fire in his eyes. All it took was a knowing look at Sirius before they both whip out their wands and charge toward Malfoy.

“FLIPENDO” James shouts, as Sirius casts a knee-reversing hex at the same time.

All the students jump back and Lily is standing there in shock, tears streaking her face. Remus runs up to Lily, Severus is a few feet behind her, while Peter stands back in shock. James is standing over Malfoy who flew back about 10 feet with his knees inverted. He’s about to swing his fist when Professor Binns comes flying by. Needless to say, Lucius spent the weekend in the hospital wing, and the other two boys spent it out in the Forbidden Forest, cleaning up after the nastiest of animals. 

  
  


**Monday, September 20th, 1971**

It’s after dinner and Remus is pacing the outside of Dumbledore’s office. He needs a password but he was never told it.

“Open sesame?” “I am Professor Albus Dumbledore” “Let me in, please” 

_ What the hell _

He pulls out the letter and reads it over and over again, scanning for a password.

_ P.S. Have you ever had  pear drops? They are extremely delightful _

“You’ve got to be kidding me. Pear Drop!”

The gargoyle slides to the left and a stone spiral staircase emerges. He’s stunned for a moment and then steps on and heads towards the Headmasters office.

 

“Ahh, Mr. Lupin, please sit. I see you found the password without problem.”

“It took a bit, but yes. What is it that you wanted to talk about Professor?” Remus is fighting to keep his voice steady.

“Yes, that. Would you like some tea?” Dumbledore waves his wand and the teapot floats in the air and fills itself with steaming tea.

“Uh, sure. Thank you, sir.” The floating teapot pours the tea into two small china cups.

“Milk, sugar, honey?”

  
  


“So Remus, I want you to know that I’ve made it my duty to make sure you are the safest you can be when the moon comes. We’ve already talked about the story you’ll tell people. I see you’ve made friends with Mr. Potter, Mr. Pettigrew, and Mr. Black. I have no doubt that they will be understanding.”

“Yeah, they are great lads” He says with a smile.

“Good to hear” the professor smiles back, “Now, there is a shack over in Hogsmeade. there are rumors that it’s haunted, it’s built up a reputation, people call it the Shrieking Shack” he pauses, taking a long sip of his tea. “I’ve had a whomping willow planted out on the grounds of the castle. At the base of the trunk, there is a knot. If you press it, the tree will stop the attack.” his eyes glance over the top of his glasses at Remus.

“Oo..kay? What does this have to do with me?” Remus asks, very confused.

“Well, Remus. I had a tunnel dug under the tree that leads right into the Shrieking Shack. Because of the shacks reputation, nobody goes near it and doesn’t question the sounds and strange things coming from it. I’m telling you this because it is a safe space for you to transform. You will be away from people, and the willow will help keep away wanderers who may notice the tunnel.” Remus looks dumbfounded.

“You did all of this for me?” His hands are shaky and tears are welling in his eyes.

“Anything to keep you and others safe. You deserve a safe space and I was more than happy to make it happen, Remus. You’re a special boy, Hogwarts needs students like you.”

“Uh.. Thank you, sir. Thank you so much. This means.. This means a whole lot to me.” 

  
  


It’s a quarter to midnight, and Remus is staring up at the ceiling. In just a few weeks, he’s felt more human than he ever has been. He’s made friends, he’s learning magic, and he has the headmaster doing everything in his power to keep him here and keep him safe. The only thing stopping him from having the time of his life is what’s coming up in two weeks. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how'd you like it ? lemme know :) the detention stuff was harder for me to come up with, which is why the chapter is out so late haha PS i write all of this on google docs first and i have special fonts for each characters handwriting and you cant even see it :( lol oh well, just trust me on it. this fic is my baby


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so so soso sorry this is out really late. life happened, but in the midst of it all, i rescued a kitten ! she was six days old when she was found. shes three weeks now and doing really well :) hope you all are having a good day/night. hope you enjoy! next chapter is full moon Remus, so get ready !! feel free to drop by my tumblr and see the kitten, tell me what you think of the fic so far, or something random ! it's meandmyinu.tumblr.com

The week before the full moon is in gear and Remus is feeling out of control. His skin burns, his eyes are red, his scars are more prominent and his bones ache. He can hide all that for the most part. He’s been coming up with excuses for why he looks the way he does, and he’s already told his friends about why he’s leaving next week.

 

***couple days prior***

 

“So your aunt.. That you never mention.. Is sick? And you have to see her for a day this next week..”

“For a full week every month”

“Sorry, for a  _ full  _ week  _ every _ month. Because…?”

“Because she’s dying, James.”

“Right, because she’s dying. Well. Um”

“I’m the only relative that she can stand and if I keep this up, she’ll be leaving everything to me in her will.”

“So you’re doing this for selfish reasons then?”

“God no, Peter. It’s just. She’s family, she needs help and I care about her.”

Sirius has stayed quiet the whole time, but all three of the boys are staring at Remus with blank expressions.

“I’m done talking to you lot, I have to get to class.” Remus stalks off with his books in hand while the other boys are silent, watching him walk down the corridor. 

  
  


So the explanation didn’t go too well, but at least they all stopped asking questions. The hardest part of the week leading up to the full moon that Remus didn’t anticipate is his irritability. For years now, he’s been alone most of the time. There was no one around to ask a million questions about homework, about if their hair looks good, “yes really your hair is fine, we’re going to be late”, and if he thought Lily was staring at them because she wanted to kill em or if she had undying love to express, “actually you have something on your face, James”. It’s not that he wants to blow his temper at the only people who’ve taken a liking to him, it’s just that he can’t help it. There is a monster inside of him that is quite literally tearing at his insides to get out. A monster that feeds on human flesh and blood, also known as his friends. The monster can smell the food and predators don’t make friends with prey. 

  
  


“No, really, He’s acting pretty strange. I saw him gag last night when he took a bite of chocolate. Remus loves chocolate. After dinner, I asked him to check my potions homework and he told me that if I don’t learn it myself, I’ll never get it and then stomped off!”

“So he’s a bit stressed. It happens to lots of people, Peter. You do ask him about your homework a lot.”

“Do you think he’s pregnant??”

Sirius and James look at Peter, look at each other and then burst out laughing.

“What!? Think about it. He hates the food he used to love, he’s being mean, kinda snappy. Ignoring us a lot of the time. Come on, he’s with child!”

“Pete. I think you’re forgetting a really important thing.”

“Yeah mate, I’m only going to say this once so listen carefully. It may come as a shock to you since you haven’t been around many girls in your lifetime besides your mother, but Remus is actually a boy.”

“Yeah, well. Hm. You make a good point, Siri. Something is up with him though.”

“Shh, shh. He’s coming!” James hurriedly whispers to the other two.

 

Thanks to the the full moon being near, Remus’ senses are heightened. He could hear the boys talking a mile away and although a huge part of him is filling with rage at the thought of them talking about him, it is surprisingly overtaken by the sheer thought of Peter thinking he could be pregnant. So instead of lashing out, he sits down with his boys and they all start talking about their day while stuffing their faces. 

 

***A couple days later***

 

So maybe storming out of Professor McGonagall’s class wasn’t the best idea in the world, but in Remus’ defense, transfiguring is a really hard concept and when the whole class is staring at you, you get a little performance anxiety.

 

“Remi, wait up!”

Remus hears Sirius calling for him, but he can’t talk to him right now. His heart is beating too fast, and the taste of adrenaline is filling his mouth. 

“Hey, Remus! Slow down, is everything okay?”

“Not right now, Sirius.” he says over his shoulder, trying to make it to back to the dorms in a hurry.

“No really, is everything okay?” Sirius caught up to him and placed his hand on his friends shoulder.

“Leave me alone!” Remus aggressively shakes Sirius’ hand away, his back still facing him but they came to a stop.

“Hey, I know that class is difficult. I bet half the kids in there wouldn’t be able to do it either.” 

The hair on Remus’ body stands up, he can hear Sirius’ pulse and can smell the blood throughout his body. His gums ache with the pain of the monster’s teeth pushing to come through. To sink his teeth into his friend and rip his throat out.

“Does the incompetent half of the class include you?” Remus spits out, and walks off leaving the boy standing there in dismay.

  
  


He knows he shouldn’t have said that, but he had to say something to get Sirius off his back. If he stood there a minute longer, the monster would’ve taken over. A bite from him so close to the full moon could be really dangerous, and that’s exactly what he wanted to do. It’s like having two completely different brains that have two drastically different views but are aware of the other. He knows right from wrong, but right now his human brain isn’t exactly strong enough to keep the others temptations at bay. He knows he’s pushing his friends away, he’s aware that he isn’t doing the best job at concealing his true self, but in time he hopes that he can control it better. After all, it’s his first change around people. He leaves tomorrow after morning classes, and he hopes that when it’s over, he will have friends to come back to.

  
  


It’s after dinner and Remus has been MIA. Sirius didn’t tell the other two about the encounter earlier in the day, but he can’t get it out of his mind. While the other two were searching for Remus after class, Sirius went back to his room and stared at the walls.  _ Incompetent? I was the one of the very few who actually did the spell correctly. If he ever looked at me nowadays, he would’ve seen it.  _

“Sirius, have you seen Remus? He leaves tomorrow morning and I wanted to ask him something.”

“Nope, haven’t seen him.” he says to James, still staring at the wall. “Do you think I’m incompetent?”

“Not really sure what that means mate, but I’ll go with no. By the tone of your voice, it sounds bad.”

“It basically means stupid.”

“I take it back, I think you’re incredibly incompetent.” James says with wink.

“Haha, what a funny lad.”

“Why do you ask?”

“No reason, just wondering.”

 

Sirius is struggling to fall asleep. It’s not that Remus lashed out at him, it’s more of why he did it. For the past week he’s been acting like a different person. He even looks a bit off, and the excuses he makes don’t make sense to Sirius. If he wasn’t getting enough sleep, he could just tell them and they would understand. But that wouldn’t explain why the scars on his face are redder than before, like they’re irritated. And speaking of scars, he also doesn’t say where they were from. Sirius knows all too well that the topic could be sensitive, and that’s why he doesn’t push it.. But he wishes he would open up a bit more. For some reason, Sirius really wants to sit down with Remus and tell him everything that’s been on his mind. Despite the letter he got from his parents awhile back, he tried sending another letter to his brother, Regulus. He’s sent out three in total, but nothing came back until the last one he sent. Only three words were etched into the parchment, 

 

_ Stop contacting me. RAB _

 

So he threw it in the fire, and went about his day. It seems to Sirius that before this week, him and Remus were really hitting it off. They thought up a lot of the pranks together and did homework right next to each other on the sofa in the Gryffindor common room. It took a bit longer for Remus to warm up to the group. James was becoming Sirius’ best mate, but he always kept an eye on the scarred boy. Now lately, Remus won’t even look at him. He sits across from him instead of next to him, and Sirius has been doing most of his homework alone because Remus is off in god knows where. At least he has James and Peter, but for some reason, it’s just not the same. 

  
  


Remus is set to leave in an hour. He already received a letter from Dumbledore that went over everything they talked about, and made sure Remus remembered how to get to the Shrieking Shack. Apparently, Dumbledore set up everything that he would need; food, bedding, the weeks homework (per Remus’ request), and a few other things. The letter ended with words of encouragement and praise, but he disregarded those. He knows that the Headmaster has to know how he’s been acting this past week. Honestly, he just can’t wait until this is all over. 

 

Remus is packing up the last of his things he wants to take with him and he’s wondering whether or not to say goodbye to his friends. For some reason, it’s been really hard to be around Sirius. With James and Peter, he could sit right next to them with little to no urges. He can handle James’ random outbursts of energy most of the time, and Peters excessive questions about anything and everything. But when it comes to Sirius, he can’t even be in the same proximity as him without his skin itching and getting a rush of adrenaline. He’s been on edge around Sirius, even looking at him sends a surge of  _ something _ throughout his whole body. The curly headed boy makes the werewolf in him want to launch out of his body as if Sirius was the full moon itself. So he couldn’t bear to see him, not today. It’s too risky. 

_ Well if I can find James and Peter without being around Sirius, I could sneak in a goodbye before I have to leave. But Sirius is always around James, and Peter is always around Sirius so.. I’ll just have to catch them at an odd time.  _

 

James is coming out of the boys bathroom and rounding a corner when Remus quite literally runs into him. 

“Rem! Hey! Just the person I was lookin for, I have a quick question, I know you leave soon but..”

“Sorry James, no time. I have to leave right now and I wanted to say goodbye. So um.. Goodbye. Have you seen Peter?”

“Oh, um. Well last time I saw him he was on the third floor trying to ask Marlene McKinnon to check his paper for Professor Flitwick’s class.”

“Okay, thanks mate! See you in a week, bye!” and Remus is off and running towards the third floor. Barely hearing James’ “See ya! Don’t have too much fun!”

 

“Peter! Come here a sec.” Remus sees the blond hair of his friend bouncing after Marlene.

“Oh Remus, hey! What’s up, don’t you leave today?”

“Yeah, very soon actually. Just wanted to say goodbye. ‘M leaving in about ten minutes. Meeting Dumbledore at the doors in five.”

“Oh cool! Have you told James and Sirius?”

“Just talked to James actually, he told me where to find you.”

“And Sirius?”

“Yeah, well I’m sure he’s off doing whatever. I’m in a real hurry.”

“Oh. Well, okay. See ya in a week then? Man, it’s going to be weird without you Rem!” Peter goes for a hug and Remus awkwardly gives it back.

“Well, I better get going. See you soon, keep up with the good work, mate. Your papers are getting better.” and with that, Remus turns to head down the stairs. As he makes it to the second floor, he sees Sirius.

_ Oh this is just great. _

“You leaving right now?”

“Yeah, in a hurry, can’t talk now.” Remus says as he keeps walking. He feels heat flowing through his body, sending signals that he needs to get away from Sirius.

“Can’t say goodbye, mate?” 

“Bye.” Remus is down the rest of the stairs with a speed of urgency. With the coldness of his actions, lack of eye contact, and no grit or meaning behind his words, or lack thereof, he is out of sight and on his way out of the castle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really hope you enjoyed this chapter ! lots happened. there's a huge plot hole that i discovered and can't go back and change, if you think you know what it is, type your guess in the comments ! also, what is everyone doing for halloween ? im dressing up as Draco Malfoy because i have white hair lol i'll be passing out candy and making appearances at family parties. Also might try my hand at hprp so head on over to my tumblr if you wanna see that :) thanks for reading xxxx

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked this chapter :)


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